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New Stock Market Terms CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET-- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

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   New Stock Market Terms

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

'BUY, BUY' - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.


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